Just in time for the new year, here is my roundup of notable people and other things, both good and bad, of 2005. I may add to the list, for example if I see a movie that deserves to be listed under “Imperial Movies.” Also note that no one is listed under more than one category. People who could fit under two or more categories are placed in the one I think is most suitable for them.
The Imperial Awards of 2005 A.D.
People of the year: It’s a tie between Pope Benedict XVI and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice
Worst people of the year:
John E. Jones III, the Pennsylvania judge who ruled that nothing but evolution can be taught in public schools
Cindy Sheehan, the “Peace Mom” who annoyed President Bush outside his ranch
The Rocha and Grantski families for being publicly rude to Scott Peterson, and Judge Alfred Delucci for sentencing him to death (go to http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2005/03/16/peterson16.TMP to see what they said at the sentencing)
Politicians of the year:
Harriet Miers
John Roberts
Samuel Alito
Rick Santorum for his accurate and insightful comments about the link between the pedophile priest scandal and Massachusetts’s acceptance of gay rights
Athletes of the year: the New England Patriots and Giacomo, winner of the Kentucky Derby
Criminals of the year (there seem to a lot, but here are the most notable):
Saddam Hussein
Scott Peterson
Eric Rudolph
Dennis Rader, also known as B.T.K.
Daniel Pelosi
Stephen Barbee
Mark Hacking
In memoriam:
Pope John Paul II
William Rhenquist
Stanley Tookie Williams
Rosa Parks
The Imperial Movie Awards:
Imperial movies:
The Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Because of Winn-Dixie
War of the Worlds
Imperial actors:
The cast of “The Chronicles of Narnia”
The cast of “Because of Winn-Dixie”
Tom Felton, Jason Isaacs, and Alan Rickman for “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”
Dakota Fanning for “War of the Worlds”
AnnaSophia Robb and Julia Winter for “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”
Today, the parents of famous murderer Scott Peterson have hired two lawyers, Cliff Gardner and Lawrence Gibbs, to handle their son’s appeals. These two lawyers also represent Lyle and Eric Menendez, the brothers from Beverly Hills who murdered their parents in 1989. Scott’s father, Lee, says that “Since he is innocent, we don’t want him sitting there any longer than he has to.” On average, it takes five to six years for the state to assign appeals attorneys to death row inmates, so Peterson, who has only been on death row since March 2005, has gotten a lawyer relatively promptly. Although the Petersons could have allowed Mark Geragos, who defended Scott in his criminal trial, to handle his appeals as well, Geragos believes that the case needs “a fresh set of eyes.”
Also, murderer Stuart Alexander, known as the “Sausage King” was found dead in his cell at San Quentin prison. San Quentin, of course, is the same prison that Scott Peterson calls home, and in fact, prison spokesman Vernell Crittendon has stated that he was considering assigning Peterson and the Sausage King to the same exercise yard because he believed they’d get along well. However, I don’t know if Scott and the Sausage King were actually put in the same group, or if they became friends. The Sausage King gets his nickname from his occupation. He was a sausage maker who killed three government meat inspectors in 2000. He was sentenced to death and was placed in a maximum surveillance cell because he was known to have mental problems and was likely to commit suicide.
In other news, murderer David Hammer, who had been sentenced to death for strangling his cellmate, was given a new penalty phase yesterday. Evidence had been discovered that indicated that the crime was not premeditated. It is an interesting coincidence that after he killed his cellmate, Hammer became a close friend of Oklahoma bomber Timothy McVeigh when they were both incarcerated at the federal death row prison in Terre Haute, Indiana. Hammer had a cell next to McVeigh’s, and they were such good friends that Hammer actually tried to commit suicice at the time of McVeigh’s execution in June 2001. Hammer tried to kill himself by avoiding taking medication for his diabetes, but the suicide attempt was discovered and stopped by prison guards.
I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and got everything they wanted. Yesterday President Bush telephoned nine soldiers to wish them a merry Christmas Eve. Today, Pope Benedict gave an excellent Christmas speech about the dangers of technology and materialism. He spoke in English for at least part of his speech, and he has a wonderful German accent. He seems to be a great orator.
Oops, I take back my comment that Damon and Bellhorn will be on the same team. Stupidly, I just found out that on December 23, Mark joined the San Diego Padres. Now he’ll be with Doug Mirabelli. It’ll be Belly and Belli! Hopefully Bellhorn will grow his hair longer now that the Yankees can’t force him to keep it short. I always though he looked better with long hair.
In other news, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld paid a Christmas Eve visit to the troops in Iraq, just like he did last year! Maybe it’ll become a tradition. Additionally, our glorious pontiff, Pope Benedict XVI, held his first midnight mass as pope.
Great job to Mark, Rummy, and Benedict!
Today, for the first time in six years, Christian pilgrims are going to Bethlehem, Jesus’s birthplace, to celebrate. Before, the pilgrimages were impossible because of violence (which isn’t surprising because Bethlehem is in the Middle East).
Today in history, the War of 1812 ended with the Treaty of Ghent in 1814, and the Ku Klux Klan was founded by former Confederate cavalryman Nathan Bedford Forrest in 1865. Also, three years ago in 2002, Scott Peterson reported that his pregnant wife, Laci, was missing. As most people know, it is a commonly held (and correct) belief that Scott killed his wife either on Christmas Eve morning or the night of December 23. Additionally, one year ago on this date, everyone’s favorite Defense Secretary, Donald Rumsfeld, paid a surprise visit to American troops in the most dangerous parts of Iraq. Finally, I would like to wish a happy birthday in advance to Jesus Christ, who will be celebrating his birthday tomorrow! Have a happy Christmas Eve and Merry Christmas, everyone!
